In my Career Directions and Your Daily Bread class, I teach a variety of lessons to my students about how to make the transition from college to career. As part of the assignment to design and publish their own professional web site, I teach them the basics of how to write a blog post. The following blog post–really an open letter to college students, was submitted by Ms. Grace Johnston. It is my pleasure to feature it here on the Student Caring web site. If you want to listen to Grace read the letter, just click on the play button or go to iTunes and search for the Student Caring Podcast. Prof. David Pecoraro
Dear fellow college students,
Getting straight A’s in college is important, but not nearly as important as what you could be doing instead of going to class, studying, and doing homework. College is full of useless things. Memorization skills? Who needs that? Reading and comprehension? Psh! General knowledge and information about daily life and the world? Boring!
What we learn in school will never follow us into real life, so why even bother? Here are a few tips on how to make the least out of your class!
Use your phone during class
Being distracted and disconnected is a key to future bad performance. Texting, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr; I want you to pick up your phone right now and immerse yourself in these things because you will be glad you did later! Especially when your professor clues you in on valuable information that’s not on the study guide for the next exam. You might as well disrespect the speaker while you’re at it!
Even if your homework assignments actually rely on a textbook, buy it and DO NOT touch it.
There is no better way to dissociate yourself with the course you’re taking than to purchase the required text and never open it. Who wants to waste their valuable social media/video game/nap time with reading a textbook that will help you understand the material that the professor babbles about in class? Only those of us who want to fail! The pros outweigh the cons; you’ll be short a few bucks, but you’ll have NO IDEA what’s going on in class.
DO NOT study.
Studying is a sure-fire way to get an excellent grade on exams and quizzes. We do not want success and progress to occur in your time at college, so put down the highlighter and the flash cards. Again, who wants to waste their precious time with studying? Your time at college is meant for other things like going out with friends, wasting your parents’ money, or gaining fifteen pounds.
After the professor takes roll, leave as if you’re going to use the restroom and DO NOT come back.
Why on earth would you want to sit through a BORING, USELESS, INFORMATIONALLY VOID lecture when you’ve already got your name down on the attendance sheet? Only if you want to actually do well in class, of course! Use all of the time you’ve saved to do the really important stuff, like taking a nap, not finding a job, and avoiding all responsibilities.
Make fun patterns on your Scantron.
You could fill in all of your answers as “a” and be boring, or you could make your exam time much more interesting. Try to make squiggles, lightning bolts, zigzags, or, if you’re more advanced in Scantron art, a double helix. Don’t be afraid to let your artistic abilities flow, because that’s all that you have going for you in the future.
DO NOT turn in any assignments.
This is a big one that fail-savvy students tend to miss. In some classes, assignments make up 50% of your grade. Imagine if you even TRIED to make an effort to complete one and turn it in on time. Avoid them at all costs; you’ll be glad you did.
Extra credit? More like torture!
Extra credit is absolutely detrimental to your failure. It could cause your grade to move up A WHOLE LETTER. Wow! Who would have thought that it could be so evil?
These are only a few tips to get you on your way to fail-ville. I hope these tricks and ideas help you and inspire you to get your grades down so low that you lose your scholarship.
A little disclaimer: some of these tips will not work for everyone, so try them all out and see which ones benefit you the most. I wish you luck!
Happy academic probation,
College Student, Educational Philosopher, Self-Professed Comedienne
Freelance Editor and Proofreader, Technical Theatre Major
We welcome your feedback to our work.
Daniel & David
How to Fail a Class