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How to Send Your Kid Off to College and Survive

Jul 28, 2015 | Parents

Sending their child to college for the very first time is heartbreaking for many parents. It takes time to accept that your kid is no longer a permanent member of your household, but it’s much easier to go through it knowing that this is simply the next step of parenthood. Still, the so-called ’empty nest syndrome’ can be hard to cope with. Here are some tips to help you survive sending your kid off to college for the first time.

 

Learn about what you might feel

 

This is a transitional moment that will be associated with all the excitement and joy about opportunities that are awaiting your child, but also mixed with the waves of nostalgia and a sense of loss.

 

It’s always better to deal with the known than the unknown. One way you can prepare for your kid leaving your household is reading up on what other parents feel. Some not only miss their children, but they experience a real sense of loss or grief. They feel as if they had no purpose anymore – or control over their lives.

 

Even if you think you’re prepared to send your kid off to college without a second thought, when the reality hits you, you might see yourself suffering from similar issues. The first step towards dealing with your emotions is to acknowledge the depth of your sadness, instead of brushing it off or being ashamed of it.

 

All parents can suffer from the ’empty nest syndrome’

 

There’s one key thing you should be aware of. Many people are convinced that the ’empty nest syndrome’ is a problem relevant only to stay-at-home mums with no career to keep them busy. Trust, me even if you’re leading a vibrant professional and personal life, your kid’s departure to college might still affect you.

 

Empty nest syndrome isn’t a clinical diagnosis, but a rush of sadness and loss, as well as considerable emotional distress parents feel after their child leaves home. Even though you encourage your kid to become independent, the experience of letting go itself can be painful. Having nobody to take care of at home is hard – so is missing being part of your kid’s daily life and their constant companionship.

 

A different sign of the empty nest syndrome is also an intense worry about your kid’s safety and doubt whether they can take good care of themselves on their own. Parents who have only one child or strongly identify with their role as parent will find it particularly difficult to adjust to an empty nest.

 

How to deal with the empty nest syndrome? Accept the timing – instead of comparing your kid’s timetable to your experience or expectations, focus on helping them to succeed after leaving home. Maintain regular contact and if you find it really hard, feel free to seek support with a psychologist or your healthcare provider. Finally, stay positive – think about all that extra time you can devote to your marriage or hobbies. Never lose hope – you will adapt to the change some day, even if right now it seems close to impossible.

 

Know how to say goodbye

 

Make sure to have a practical plan in place for the final goodbye. Resolve simple issues first – like how you’re going to get there, where you’re going to park and how long you’re going to stay at your kid’s college location. Having everything resolved by the actual day of the move, the only thing left to cope with will be your feelings.

 

It’s a mistake to draw out goodbyes. The final goodbye is easily the most difficult part of sending a kid to college – when the dorm room is ready and everything is unpacked, the only thing on your mind will be: How can I return home without my kid? The trick is to do it quickly – the difficulty lies ahead in living day to day without having your kid at home.

 

Adjust to living at home with one person missing

 

This is the most difficult part of sending your kid off to college. You’ll face the empty chair by the dinner table and the desolate bedroom, you’ll hear no more strange noises coming from the garage or sounds of constant telephone talks. There are several things you can do to make this transition easier.

 

First, if you’ve got other kids, consider this moment as an opportunity to be finally able to focus on them. During the senior year of high school, parents spend lots of their time with the eldest kid, talking about college applications, proms and graduating. With your kid off at college, you’ll finally have time to connect with younger siblings and do activities together. Remember that they’ll be off to college in some years as well so enjoy their presence now.

 

Moreover, you might be able to do things with your younger kids that your college kid didn’t enjoy – be it theater, sports or outdoors, all such activities will help you to connect with younger siblings and forget the emptiness you feel when you realize one family member is not living at home anymore.

 

Not having to constantly worry about college applications and rejections, you’ll find out that you’ve got more time to yourself. You can use the old room of your college kid to organize a quiet reading space for yourself.

 

Communication

 

Some parents tend to hover and use all possible means of contact to get in touch with their child. Instead of doing it, give your kid space for becoming independent and allow them to reach out to you. They will call home, sooner or later. Whether it’s for comfort of hearing your voice or asking for a few extra dollars, you should let them manage their feelings on their own. This is what growing up means.

 

Building an adult relationship with your child is about letting them control the timing of your interactions and help maintain a sense of freedom that is key to exploring new opportunities and life choices. Try not to criticize symptoms of major changes your kid is going through – this is a transitional time where you both redefine your relationship.

 

When talking about communication, don’t forget about your friends and family – some of them might be going through a similar situation and talking things through always helps. An interesting way to share your feelings online are forums – for instance, have a look at Mumsnet. (http://www.mumsnet.com/)

 

Sending your kid to college for the first time isn’t easy, but it’s a natural transition in life. This is the first step they take into adulthood, so instead of moping and bursting into tears at the sight of their empty bedroom, treat it as the next stage in your kid’s life and prepare for a change in your relationship with your son or daughter. Soon enough, you’ll see them grow into an adult you’re really proud of.

 

The article was contributed by Torri Myler of http://www.bankopening.co.uk/

We welcome your feedback to our work.

Email:  General Information   |   Dr. Daniel de Roulet   |   Prof. David C. Pecoraro

Thank you!

Daniel & David

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How to Send Your Kid Off to College and Survive

 

 

 

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