There’s a lot of talk about “empty nest syndrome” and how parents feel when their kids go off to college, but what about a younger sibling who’s been left behind? Since the day your second child was born, there has been an established family unit in place. Suddenly, everything he knows has shifted, and he may not understand his new role in the home.

You’re bound to have mixed feelings about an older child leaving home: excitement, pride, sadness and even grief. Your younger child is struggling too, even if he won’t admit it – there is suddenly a gaping hole in the very fabric of his existence, and his older brother or sister has left for good. The difference is, your younger child lacks the emotional skills to work through his feelings in the way that you (the parent or carer) can, so the onus falls on you to help him; here are three ways you can ease the transition.

Check Your Expectations

Whether two siblings claim to love or hate one another, there’s bound to be an adjustment period when one leaves home. The house will be quieter, a room will be emptied, and there’s suddenly one less person for your child to interact with. A younger child may be forced to take on the role of the older sibling if there are other kids still at home. Whatever your new family dynamic, accept whatever feelings come up from your second child, and don’t expect him to act a certain way. He may rebel, or he may retreat. Either way, show him that you’re there, and that together you can adjust to this change in your family unit. You may be feeling emotional yourself, but find ways to express this without leaning on your child for support – he is likely feeling vulnerable and needs to know that his role as “the child” has not been compromised.

Get Your Child Excited About Education

An older sibling starting college sets a great example for your younger child. Be careful not to set the benchmark too high, however, as the younger sibling may feel pressured to “follow in the footsteps” of his older brother or sister. Depending on your child’s age, you might want to start thinking about senior schools or prep schools that will give your child the best possible route into higher education. For instance, Downsend Private School in Surrey is a great specialist school with a creative, inspired approach, ideal for keeping education exciting in the eyes of your child. To keep your child engaged, you’ll need to find a school that challenges and complements them.

Keep Siblings Connected

It’s important that your younger child doesn’t feel abandoned by his sibling. Obviously, you want your college-aged kid to enjoy university life, but you should also encourage him or her not to forget about younger members of the family. The great thing about modern technology is how easy it is for long-distance family members to keep in touch, and with minimal effort. Siblings can use apps like WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger to text, video chat and send images and videos wherever they are in the world. As much as you’ll want to talk to your college kid at any opportunity, try to give your kids time to communicate with one another alone. Remember, theirs is a lifelong relationship that will far transcend the family home.

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February 19, 2018